Teenagers are genetically wired to tune out parents.

This is an evidence-based tidbit of information, which when interpreted by parents, who are looking to understand their moody and off-putting teens, could help to put their anxious minds at ease. 

We can consider it good news that our teens are not ignoring us with bad intent. Rather, their seemingly defiant behaviour is simply a sign of healthy mental development. This article by Psychology Today discusses how the teenager’s listening brain works. 

We can further free ourselves from anxiety (teen-related) through the practice of CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) re-framing. Perhaps it is not our job to build our children into young versions of ourselves - this is an anti-evolutionary attempt on our parts. Instead, it might be our job to shepherd our children; to provide a safe place for them to be nurtured and supported, while they do their own work of becoming their unique selves. 

It is our anxiety, and not their bad behaviour, which triggers the volatility in our home lives. This is good news, because if the problem lies with us, then we can do something about it. We can change our perspectives on our issues with our teens from criticism, blame and resentment to gratitude, awe, and appreciation. 

What a gift we have been given to have the time and opportunity to support and lovingly observe these humans for a brief time in their lives.

When we feel the urge to blame or yell at our teens for making our lives seem difficult, let’s try changing our interpretation of their behaviour. Are they just doing what developing teens do? Can we find a way to love their changes instead of resisting them?